I became a parent slightly more than 13 years ago. First it was Pride to be a parent followed by sense of responsibility and now it is again a sense of Pride. Yes, I have great interest to be a good parent but let me confess I was quite hopeless earlier since I thought parents have all the rights to command respect, impose their views on subjects of conflict etc. With time, all of this changed due to lot of advice and patience given to me by my wife.
Very soon, I realized that I am a ‘showcase’ example or a hero for my son to emulate and he is watching me to learn ( as every child thinks..My Dad is always correct!) from me. I had to earn that status which I did earn after a period of time. My son realized I am bad in Math but good in Social sciences ( Geography in particular) and English. Besides, he also knew he could count on me to bully his schoolmate, if required. Great! I was just trying to be good parent. Also, he stopped comparing me with his Mom who was too good in Math and in taking care of him well. So, he made some place for me too in his personal space.
Now, I am the one who is preferred to see the movies with when he wants to watch, to solve English Crossword Puzzle, discuss Enid Blyton/ Hardy Boys Stories and many other day to day happenings in the small world of ours. True, I have become a positive parent now!! I realized one thing…to be liked…listen more, no more preaching. I have let him be the driver and I am the co-pilot and nothing more. I will dish out advice only when asked for it. In the process, I have developed a ‘Can Do’ attitude in him and ensured not to tarnish his self-esteem! This has not only inculcated a sense of responsibility in him but very long time back..since many years ago..he is not afraid of me at all. I am his friend and guide! I do not discuss philosophy with him as he is too young for that. Of course, if required, I will adorn that role too.
I would like to add these tips..
1. do not talk..YOU DON’T DO THAT!.. with your kid ever. It does not help because you can discuss it out with him/ her and explain so the kid understands the subject of conflict or discussion.
2. do not interrupt..LET THE CHILD TALK COMPLETELY.. very often, we interrupt and this disturbs as the child feels not being listened to or feels what he/ she saying is not important. All this erodes the self esteem.
3. establish eye- contact..THIS MAKES THE KID FEEL BEING ATTENDED TO…take turns to speak… but pay full attention to what your kid is saying..
4. build moral values..this is important even though every child is born with different moral code..please understand the child is watching you all the time and he feels you are the ‘Perfect’ and he wants to learn from you and nobody else..
5. be calm and affectionate..Sure..I had a tough time earlier on this aspect..but i am doing well in this now..THE CHILD EXPECTS LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
6. learn what he likes…so that you can share..playing UNO cards for example, improve your Chess playing skills so that he enjoys the match which doesn’t end too soon…all others things liked by him/ her.
7. do not order him/ her around..this doesn’t work any longer in this generation..so skip it! Just do not order around..no discussion on this.
8. trust your child completely..TRUST AND LOVE are very essential in any relationship and nothing more can be said on this.
Parenting is an on-going process with new tasks coming up all the time and no one can claim to be the best parent but we can work on this and aim for perfection. I like parenting and I can imagine..if I was not a parent..what I would be missing. I will try to write more on this category ‘PARENTING’ as it interests me …POSITIVE INPUTS WILL GET POSITIVE OUTPUTS..or else it is GIGO..